"A lot of people ask us what it means to have Precision Nutrition Level 2 certification. It basically means you have a black belt in quinoa."

-Nutrition Organization (Sales Pitch)

"Our average patient was 88. They'd say funny stuff like 'In my day, we paid our copay to Christopher Columbus.'"

-Hospital (Internal Presentation)

"Don't worry about our pop quizzes. Think of them as the Snapchat of tests!"

-eTextbook Publisher (Online Course)

"People are paying less and less attention to commercials. Eventually the Weather Channel will be forced to use product placement. (a la a meteorologist) ​Folks on the Doppler you’ll see our storm, shaped like a 2018 Ford Fusion! Luckily, like a pimple treated with Proactive, it should clear up by Friday!"

-Marketing Demo (Conference Session)

"Growing up I was bullied. My favorite movie was The Karate Kid. It inspired me to make [APP NAME] to help kids. You’ll think it’s so helpful you’ll start calling me Mr. Miyagi!"

-App Presentation (Investors Pitch)

"[VP] once told me he takes 40,000 steps a day. HOW? We work in an OFFICE. What the heck is he doing? Constantly running from [VP’s boss]? Refilling his water bottle 4,000x a day?"

-Startup All-Staff Internal Event (Going away toast for VP)

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