"A lot of people ask us what it means to have Precision Nutrition Level 2 certification. It basically means you have a black belt in quinoa."
-Nutrition Organization (Sales Pitch)
"Our average patient was 88. They'd say funny stuff like 'In my day, we paid our copay to Christopher Columbus.'"
-Hospital (Internal Presentation)
"Don't worry about our pop quizzes. Think of them as the Snapchat of tests!"
-eTextbook Publisher (Online Course)
"People are paying less and less attention to commercials. Eventually the Weather Channel will be forced to use product placement. (a la a meteorologist) Folks on the Doppler you’ll see our storm, shaped like a 2018 Ford Fusion! Luckily, like a pimple treated with Proactive, it should clear up by Friday!"
-Marketing Demo (Conference Session)
"Growing up I was bullied. My favorite movie was The Karate Kid. It inspired me to make [APP NAME] to help kids. You’ll think it’s so helpful you’ll start calling me Mr. Miyagi!"
-App Presentation (Investors Pitch)
"[VP] once told me he takes 40,000 steps a day. HOW? We work in an OFFICE. What the heck is he doing? Constantly running from [VP’s boss]? Refilling his water bottle 4,000x a day?"
-Startup All-Staff Internal Event (Going away toast for VP)